Mugged in Paris

So, I just had my first taste of reality since I’ve been in Paris…everything had been going so smoothly. I had found an apartment, I’m starting to make friends, I feel comfortable, everything is sunshine and daisies…them bam, I get mugged. COOL. I’m on my way to the metro to go home and I have to piss like a pregnant racehorse and I’m too coy to use a restroom at a restaurant I’m not eating at since they will usually tell you that you have to buy something (and I’m broke)…and the public restrooms in the street is out of service…so I do what most people would do, find a tree on a side street to pee behind. Bad call. I’m finishing my piss and shaking my dick off and some fucking bro comes at me asking me for money and my phone and before I realize what’s happening I’m being tackled to the ground…fight or flight reflex on both sides we both fly, and he scampers away with my man purse (good thing, because if I bit his ear off like Mike Tyson which was my first urge I might have come out with less’n teeth)…which is the only thing he took that I’m really pissed about because it was 30 euros. The only things it contained were my metro pass (given to me by my friend who just left Paris), my metro map, my keys, and my cigarette case…because I’m not used to carrying a man purse I still keep my valuables in my pockets. So, some fucking criminal eh? Not impressed. Where I come from I would have at least come out with a black eye….PSHH the French do noooot know how to rob someone. I still have my ipod, phone, and wallet. I really hope he feels like an asshole for ruining my night for nothing….maybe he will realize now that his life of crime is not productive and go back to community college…probably not, but I’m trying to think on the bright side. I’m not seriously injured…and I could choose to feel victimized or a bit wiser, and I choose to feel wiser. So, next time I have to piss I shall do it in a safe place….now I have to buy a new man purse which I shall not keep my valuables in, but use for a false treasure for muggers.
<3 I hope he chokes and dies on my man purse.

...good thing guns are illegal in France.